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[This is a satire. All characters and events are fictional]
Arti Buchawala, a senior correspondent of BBC (Bharat Broadcasting Corp, New Delhi) gets to interview the Honorable Central Minister of India for women"s Affairs, Renu Chowdry, whose popularity ratings have shot up sky high in the secular media of the land, and who won cudgels from the elitist women groups. Her forceful attack on the Hindu Taliban, Sri Rama Sene leader Pramod Muthalik has earned immense praise from her mentor, Sonia Gandhi, but also more prominently strong support from the CPLF (Consortium of Pub-going Loose Forward) Women of India. Arti reports her interview here.
Arti Buchwala: Madam Minister, Renu garu (Ji), I thank you for your kindness for taking your time away from your busy schedule to allow me this interview. Shall we begin?
Hon. Minister: You are most welcome Arti.
AB: Now you have forcefully attacked and exposed the agenda of the Hindu Taliban leader Muthalik, and we in our secular English Media can not stop admiring your gallantry in Pink Chaddi (knicker) campaign against this Hindu Taliban leader, Muthalik, and the tremendous support you draw from the Pub-going Loose Forward (CPLF) Women of India. Your comments, please.
HM: Arti, you have said it perfectly. The number one problem we face in India at this crucial hour is on how to destroy the Hindu Taliban of Rama Sene, Bajrang Kncker Dal, VHP and RSS. The Congress Party led by Madam Sonia JI and Rahul Paul Gandhi are with me one-hundred percent with my campaign of Pink Chaddis, which is attracting support even from Iraq and Afghanistan.
AB: Of late I hear that over a thousand pink chaddis were sent to this Muthalik. Pretty soon he will be drowned under the huge pile of chaddis. Could we say, we have vanquished this Hindu Taliban monster without firing a single bullet?
HM: Let us not rush to conclusions. The CPLF has just begun its work. We have a job to do. We have a long term plan to build one pub in each village, a modern one, not like the ugly liquor huts the men folks gang up. Women have to rise up and become modern. They should start wearing tight western clothes with pride and start demanding their human rights and live in dignity.
AB: I am for equal rights. But I am okay with pub culture in Bangaluru, Hyderabad or Delhi, the Hi-tech cities, but not so sure of men and women pubs in each village.
HM: Arti, you have to grow up. Next time I travel to Italy with Madam Sonia ji, I will include you as our personal BBC correspondent. You will learn fast how to be modern.
AB: You will? Thank you, thank you, so kind of you. I hear lately that some Hindu Talibans are fighting back with a campaign of their own, a Tri-color (Congress party color) Bikinis made in Italy. This is shaping to be the culture clash between the primitive Hindu India and the liberated pub drinking iconic Westernised India. I am afraid the battle of Pink Chaddis Vs. Tri-color Bikinis can be very fierce.
HM: Don"t worry, Arti. I got a load of those Tri-color Bikinis myself in the mail. Most were made in Italy and a few made in USA too. Unfortunately, they are just too small. If they are too large we can resize them to fit. So we sent them to all our girl convent schools in Delhi. Those young lasses, who are our future leaders and builders of modern India are delighted to wear them. They will be ready with our tri-color general election campaign, looming ahead of us. Also our elite and secular English media is solidly behind us in this battle of Pink Chaddis Vs. Tri-color Bikinis.
AB: Coming to our English Media, It is reported as follows: "the recent death of a college student, allegedly because she could not bear the shame of being humiliated publicly for daring to talk to a Muslim bus conductor, has only reinforced the feeling that the state administration has been reluctant to take firm action against those accused of these acts."
HM: What else you need to prove that these Hindu Talibans are a menace to our secular freedoms.
AB: A vernacular (Kannada) paper reports differently: Real facts: Muslim guy and Hindu girl are right. The guy is 28yrs" old conductor, and married and the girl is 14-year minor, a 9th grade student. The girl"s father registered a rape case against the owner/conductor. The English media reporter hides the ages and that the conductor is married. That English reporter is trying to prove that the father of the minor girl registered the case only to humiliate the 28year- old man. Or is the father looking for justice for the death of his daughter? Just let us think this case, not as one of religions but as humans. Is making love to a minor girl by a married grown up man okay in this society? Is it not a sin, or a crime? Our English media secular reporters, perhaps, don"t care a damn for the rape of a girl, if the guy committing it belongs to a minority community.
HM: Come, come, Arti, these things happen once in a while or so very often. Don"t worry. But let us keep our focus on Hindu Taliban here and the fascist government that is protecting them. Now, don"t you forget the trip to Italy this coming summer?
AB: Yes, Renu garu, million thanks. After the coming election, the Madam may not have to return from Italy, but we two will be back to fight for women"s rights. Pub Baro! JAI CPLF !
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[This is a satire. All characters and events are fictional.]